Funny Valentine's Day Gifts for Married Couples: Keeping it Real - Skip to Content

Funny Valentine’s Day Gifts for Married Couples: Keeping it Real

When did Valentine’s Day become such a big deal?

As a parent, Valentine’s Day (or should I say “Friendship Day”) has become a Pinterest holiday. That is if I’m feeling ambitious. The acceptable treats list brings on a whole new level of stress. I attach a sticker or pencil and call it a day. Sorry, kids.

As a spouse, Valentine’s Day is undercelebrated.

Maybe it’s because our anniversary, the holidays, my husband’s birthday and Valentine’s Day all occur within weeks of one another. Or maybe it’s because I’m thrifty and cannot justify the huge markup that florists charge for Valentine’s Day flowers. Buy me flowers the next day or any other day of the year.

Maybe it’s because our marriage is strong enough on its own without a Hallmark reminder. That said, my husband sometimes gets me a card. And, every so often, I surprise him with a token gift.

Here are some of my favorite funny and appropriate (well after the newlywed stage) gifts to give on Valentine’s Day.

This post may contain affiliate links. See my disclosure page for more details.

*Note: This post was originally posted in February 2018 and has been updated to reflect accuracy and new product information.

Keeping it Real on Valentine’s Day (Gifts for “Old” Married Couples)

Funny Valentine’s Cards for Couples

I Love You With All My Butt (I would say heart, but my butt is bigger)

white greeting car with black block letters i love you with all my butt

Funny Valentine’s Day Keychain

I Would Take A Bullet For You, Not in the Head but in the Leg or Something

keychain for friends or couples i'd take a bullet for you not in the head


funny valentines day couple walking arm in arm

Funny Books to Give on Valentine’s Day

Us by Curtis Wiklund

In this sweet book, the author sketched the everyday moments of life with his wife.
cover of us book by curtis wilkund cartoon couple brushing teeth

Marriage Illustrated with Crappy Pictures by Amber Dusick

This book will make you laugh, capturing the ups and downs of marriage.
marriage by amber dusick book cover illustrated with crappy pictures

#Married Life A Snarky Adult Coloring Book

I’m a fan of all of these real-life coloring books for adults.

marriedlife a snarky adult coloring book cover couple man with pitchfork

My Purse Strings Amazon Shop

Funny Pillows to Gift on Valentine’s Day

If You Really Love Me, You’ll Let Me Sleep
if you really love me you'll let me sleep pillow black block letters

Stay Weird

stay weird pillow white with black block letters

Funny Mugs for Couples

I’m biased towards the first mug listed here.

I Love You More than I Hate Your Farts Mug

white coffee mug with red heart black letters i love you more than i hate your farts

I Said You’re the Good Kind of Fat Mug
white coffee mug avocados wait i said you're the good kind of fat

A Nod to Whitney Houston Mug (And I Will Always Love You)

Funny Adult Stickers

Gratitude and appreciation are important components of any happy marriage.

I especially love these reward stickers for adults which include achievements like:

I shaved my legs today.

All my laundry is folded.

I got my oil changed today.

I didn’t curse in front of the kids today.

funny adult reward stickers

Of course, I’d never decline a spa day, a chance to sleep in, or breakfast in bed. How do you celebrate?


Happy Valentine’s Day to you!





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Lisa Wingerter @

Tuesday 13th of February 2018

Love these! Haha. Valentine's Day for married people (especially those with children) tends to be way toned down from the single life night's of fancy dinners and nights on the town.

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